Friday, June 25, 2010

Thinking Twice - Thoughts on Straight Privilege

I lean closer, brush the hair from her eyes, trace the line of her face down to her neck, then gently pull us together for a deep, long kiss. As we separate, we press our foreheads together, smiling, my hands resting on the back of her neck, hers resting lightly on my chest. Another couple on the bus, impressed by our passion, asks "Are you two newlyweds?" 

Touch - A Poem

So, I've been writing some poetry. I make no claims as to its quality ;)


I grab the handrail,
to steady myself against the rocking of the train,
so I do not lose my balance.

It is surprisingly cold beneath my fingers,
and I know it will confer
a metallic

I don’t mind.

Slowly, I edge my hand downward
until my little finger
 is resting

It is surprisingly warm beneath my finger,
and I thrill even at this

I glance around, and wonder:
“Is anybody looking?”,
then snake my little finger round his larger one,
and flex,
and I find my balance.

James Croft, July 2010

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Hot Cookie


It is midnight on Sunday, 21st March, 2010. I walk down the street from my apartment, pulling my leather jacket tight around me to guard against the cold. Streetlights are mirrored in the wet pavement, and my feet make a squishing sound as I walk. There are no cars on the street, and the traffic lights flash red, too tired to bother with their cycle through green and yellow.

Dancing for my Life

Laser lights strobe round the room, piercing the smoke and pulsing with the beat. I’m alive with it, stomping and twisting like a man possessed, snapping my head back and forth with the music, sweat streaming down my face. I feel bodies pressing in on me on both sides, male bodies, strong and musky. I press myself against them, one arm around a chest, the other round a torso, and feel the heat that rises from them warm me. I’m where I’m meant to be.

New Orleans Epiphany

In a sense, this story begins in March, 2010, in New Orleans. Of course, there's much of relevance before that, but here is where everything came to a head for the last time...


Sometimes, you are offered the chance to be a different person for a while, to explore parts of yourself you had left unexamined. Have you ever had that opportunity? Perhaps when starting a new job, after moving house, or on vacation, when you don’t know the people around you well and, more importantly, they don’t know you? Just two weeks ago, as I am writing this, I was given that chance.

What's this all about?

In March 2010, after 10 years of confusion, denial, and struggle, I finally accepted my sexuality, came out to myself, and exploded out of the closet. Since then my life has been a whirlwind of exciting, outrageous encounters - a great coruscation of fabulous brilliance, new experiences, and amazing people.

I want my friends to join me as I strive to live an authentic and fearless life, and as I try to figure out what this all means, for me and those who have supported me with their love and acceptance.

Here I will be posting my thoughts and feelings as I delve into gay life for the first time, as well as investigating my past to work out how I got to this point. I will try to be searingly honest, and to leave no details out - not out of prurience, but because I believe that if I live authentically while looking to the needs of others I have nothing whatsoever to be ashamed of.

Nothing at all.